Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
