found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
