hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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