Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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