I hate your face
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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