i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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