They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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