i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The air taste purple.
Randomize
