Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
