Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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