Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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