i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
