Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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