If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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