You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
