im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
