I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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