why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
