dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
