I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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