kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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