I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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