I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
