dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
