I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
