Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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