i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
