Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
there is glitter all over my balls
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
