I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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