First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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