I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
