Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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