At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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