you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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