An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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