I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
