This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
