woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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