my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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