We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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