great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
