yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish you could order shots online.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
