Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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