shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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