My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
worst night to have a conscience
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
