remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
