I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
