allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
