I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
