We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
