How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
