Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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