The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
