I want to make a zoo with you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
