I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
