You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
