a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
