This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
