Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
