I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
