R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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