I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
