New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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