They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
